Should white heterosexuals be permitted at a diversity event?

Well, duh. Isn’t it obvious?

Apparently not to some.

Over the past couple of days on the “vote” page at the True Diversity Dinner blog, where people are being encouraged to nominate and vote for awards on “excellence in the representation, advancement, and advocacy of diversity” in Anchorage, at least a couple of people have nominated the ACLU of Alaska for the Excellence in Non-Profit Award. The ACLU is one of the organizations, along with Equality Works, that took a major leadership role in the effort to pass the Anchorage equal rights ordinance, AO 2009-64, which — had Mayor Sullivan not vetoed it a week after its passage — would have added sexual orientation and gender identity to the list of personal characteristics on the basis of which it would be illegal to discriminate in employment, housing, public accommodations, financial practices, education, and municipal practices.

Here’s where disputation began.  I’ll just give you the entire conversation.  Note that John Aronno, an administrator at the True Diversity Dinner blog, removed a portion of the conversation from the comments because they distracted from what the page was for: nominating & voting on the awards.  But I’d subscribed to comments so had the full conversation in email, & can restore them here.

Kevin Smith (9/13/09 2:28 pm): The ACLU in Alaska is led by a white male, Jeffry [sic] Mittman, so I don’t think they would qualify for a diversity award. If Mittman is gay or transgender, I withdraw my objection.

john aronno (9/13/09 4:43 pm): Mr. Smith, no offense intended, but that would also respectively mean that I should bow out, as should my wife, two of our speakers, probably most of the dance group performing, and a good portion of the sponsors and guests attending the event. This is a diversity dinner, not an exclusivity dinner.

Kevin Smith (9/13/09 8:54 pm): Mr. Aronno,

No offense taken and I hope you will not be offended when I say that if all of the people you listed are white then perhaps a percentage of you should not attend. Certainly the sponsors of True Diversity will understand if their sponsored tickets are taken up by more diverse elements of our society.

Diversity cannot be truly celebrated if all you have are white people (even gay ones) with the rest of our diverse society there as mere window dressing.

John Aronno (9/13/09 11:27 pm): I’m not sure that I, or anyone else, should apologize for celebrating, supporting, and encouraging diversity. That doesn’t even make sense. I can’t help that I’m a white, heterosexual male, and I feel that it’s fairly irresponsible for you to suggest that I, or anyone else, should stay home because of it. Are you really saying that I shouldn’t have a say, because of who I am? Doesn’t that spit in the face of absolutely everything we’re trying to accomplish here?

john aronno: Mr. Smith, I’m removing our conversation, because it does no common good for the purpose of this event. However, if you’d like to continue it, please feel free to email your comments to AlaskaCommons@gmail.com
Thanks,
john

Kevin Smith (9/14/09 12:21 pm): Mr. Aronno, Enjoy your meal. Your willingness (or lack thereof) to discuss true diversity in a public forum leads me to believe you will be dining with a lot of people that look just like yourself. Bon appetit.

Mel Green (posting as yksinainen, 9/14/09 12:46 pm): Oh good grief. I sat next to John at most of the Assembly meetings listening to countless redshirts spew repetitive homophobia — in fact, he sat there when I couldn’t because it was too painful to listen to the ignorance & hatred — & all through it he acted as one of the best advocates I know of for diversity & equality. And now you Kevin Smith are going to sit there as the litmus test judger of whether or not he’s diverse enough to be at this event? Which would not even be occurring in the first place, were it not for his efforts?

Fine way to throw aside your allies. Well, maybe not your ally — but one I’ve all summer long been pleased to have as mine.

Mel Green, Henkimaa.com
Diversity “credentials” : lesbian from working class (white) background

An observation:  in John’s first response, was he referring to the sexual orientation and gender identity of the people he referred to, or to their race? — because it is all three that Mr. Smith referred to in disqualifying Jeffrey Mittman as representing diversity.  John did not actually say, as Mr. Smith assumed, thatall of the people [he] listed are white.” And nor are they.

But here’s the crux of the matter:

Diversity isn’t an individual characteristic. Does the fact that I’m a lesbian make me diverse? No, it only makes me a lesbian.  Does the fact that John is a white heterosexual male make him not diverse? No, it just makes him a white heterosexual male.  Neither of us can be diverse or not diverse all on our own: diversity or its lack is a quality of groups and systems, not of individuals.  It’s the differences between the members of the system, that makes the system as a whole richer, stronger, and more viable.   (Not to mention less boring.)

Me with some of the cool white heterosexuals in my life: my dad, brothers, and sister, April 2009. No wonder Im not a lesbian separatist!

Me with some of the cool white heterosexuals in my life: my dad, brothers, and sister, April 2009. No wonder I'm not a lesbian separatist!

It should be obvious that being unwelcoming to a particular group within a diverse population doesn’t strengthen diversity or the community.  It weakens it. That understanding has been fundamental to our fight this past summer for the Anchorage equal rights argument: LGBTQ people shouldn’t be excluded from equal protection under the law any more than other Anchorage citizens.  But if LGBTQ people should be included, what’s the possible logic in excluding white heterosexuals, or even just white heterosexual males? Should we, the several bloggers organizing this dinner, print on the $10 tickets being sold for the event: “Don’t buy this ticket if you’re white and straight”? Hardly.  Should we qualify nominations for the diversity awards that will be given out at the dinner to state that no one should be nominated who is straight and white?  Hardly.

Especially when some of those straight white people have done just so much for the effort in the battle for equality and diversity in Anchorage as they have done — more, in some cases, than many LGBTQ or nonwhite people have done.  They have done so because they value the same thing that I do: a community in which we are valued for our differences as much as for what we share: in which the rich heritage of human diversity is honored, respected, and cherished.

I’m glad to have people like this on my side.  I’m on their side, too. My appreciation to John Aronno of Alaska Commons, Heather Aronno of SOSAnchorage.net, Janson Jones of the blog Floridana Alaskiana v2.5, Linda Kellen Biegel of Celtic Diva’s Blue Oasis, AK Muckraker of the Mudflats, Shannyn Moore of Just a Girl from Homer, Phil Munger of Progressive Alaska, Gryphen of Immoral Minority, Jeffrey Mittman of the Alaska ACLU, my friend and coworker Pam Kelley of the UAA Justice Center, my nephew Miles Green, and all the other white heterosexuals (or presumed to be so) who blogged, organized, testified, wrote letters and emails, and/or showed up at the Loussac Library in support of equality in Anchorage over the past summer — because you love diversity too. And a special thank you to the white heterosexuals (or presumed to be so) on the Anchorage Assembly who joined Elvi Gray-Jackson (who I also thank) in voting on August 11 for the Anchorage equal rights ordinance: Patrick Flynn, Sheila Selkregg, Jennifer Johnston, Mike Gutierrez, Matt Claman, and Harriet Drummond.

I look forward to seeing you, along with all of us who are not white and/or heterosexual, at the True Diversity Dinner on September 25.

Note of addendum 3:35 PM: I’ve just been informed privately that one of the people in the above list of “presumed to be” heterosexuals is, in fact, not heterosexual.  Which just goes to show: just as many people are wrongly assumed to be gay, other people are wrongly assumed to be heterosexual.  In either case, discrimination on the basis of actual or assumed sexual orientation is wrong, wrong, wrong.  Let’s also remember that diversity includes ethnic and religious diversity — so just reducing people to the description “white” doesn’t cut it either.

Three bloggers all in a row. John Aronno of Alaska Commons, Heather Aronno of SOSAnchorage.net, and Mel Green (that is, me) of Henkimaa.com in the Anchorage Assembly chambers on August 11, 2009, when the Assembly passed the Anchorage equal rights ordinance by a vote of 7 to 4. Mayor Dan Sullivan vetoed the measure the following Monday.

Three bloggers all in a row. John Aronno of Alaska Commons, Heather Aronno of SOSAnchorage.net, and Mel Green (that is, me) of Henkimaa.com in the Anchorage Assembly chambers on August 11, 2009, when the Assembly passed the Anchorage equal rights ordinance by a vote of 7 to 4. Mayor Dan Sullivan, host of the upcoming "Unity" Dinner, vetoed the ordinance on August 17.

Posted in Ordinance, True Diversity Dinner | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

The Daily Tweets, 2009-09-15

Posted in The Daily Tweets | Comments Off on The Daily Tweets, 2009-09-15

The Daily Tweets, 2009-09-13

  • RT @alaskacommons: The True Diversity Dinner is happening Sept. 25 at the Snow Goose, and voting is taking place NOW! http://bit.ly/74hG0 #
  • New TV, new DVD/VCR. Nice… but setup's a bitch. Glad Jesse's here now, he's better at this shit than I am. #
  • Dexter, Season 3: Lauren Velez …. mmmmhmmm. #
  • My cat is so handsome. He makes me happy with his warm handsome fuzzwuzziness. #
Posted in The Daily Tweets | Comments Off on The Daily Tweets, 2009-09-13

True Diversity Dinner: September 25, 2009

In the wake of Mayor Dan Sullivan’s veto of the Anchorage equal rights ordinance AO 2009-64, lots of people noted the irony of his having vetoed equal protection from discrimination for LGBTQ people in Anchorage just a month before Mayor’s Diversity Month.

Then the mayor, who seems more comfortable with “melting pot” views of American culture — we should all melt ourselves into some imagined universality that looks suspiciously like the same old “upper & middle class white heterosexual males are universal & everyone else is not” stuff that has served the “everyone else” of us so poorly, & has served plenty of white heterosexual males pretty badly too — decided to change the name of the Mayor’s Diversity Dinner to the Mayor’s Unity Dinner.

I don’t actually want to be assimilated.  I kinda like being who I am.

Nor do I believe that resistance is futile.

Nor are we a “melting pot.”  You all know the alternative analogies for meals that are far more nutritive & colorful: Stew. Salad.  Something like this looks a lot better to me than what the mayor wants to serve up:

Salad close-up

A few of us decided to do something about it.

So while Mayor Sullivan is serving up a $60/plate Borg dinner at the downtown Hilton, we’ll be celebrating the true richness of Anchorage’s diversity just a few blocks away at the Snow Goose — $10, just enough to cover costs.  Progressive radio host and blogger Shannyn Moore will be the keynote speaker.  And we’ll be handing out our own diversity awards.

See the True Divesity Dinner blog for more information, and to nominate and vote for diversity awards in the categories of

  • Excellence in Business Award
  • Excellence in Non-Profit Award
  • Individual Excellence in Print Media Award
  • Individual Excellence in Online Media Award
  • Individual Excellence in Outreach Award
  • Lifetime Achievement Award

and let’s not forget the ever-popular

  • Epic Fail Award

I hope to see you there.

* * *

The idea for this dinner came in conversation between the bloggers and activists of:

Special kudos to John Aronno of Alaska Commons and Heather Aronno of SOSAnchorage.net for their effort in organizing this event.

Posted in True Diversity Dinner | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on True Diversity Dinner: September 25, 2009

Cold, Crossed Genres, & Flash homophobia

Update 10/6/09: The deadline for submissions for the LGBTQ issue was September 30, 2009. Submissions for that issue are no longer being accepted. New submissions with LGBTQ themes are still welcome, so long as they ALSO have elements of Crossed Genres’ current theme: see the current genre page for details.

Crossed Genres ad for its upcoming LGBTQ ad -- rejected by Flash Fiction Online editor Jake Frievald with the explanation Sorry, I don’t accept sexually themed ads.

Crossed Genres ad for its upcoming LGBTQ issue -- rejected by Flash Fiction Online editor Jake Frievald with the explanation "Sorry, I don’t accept sexually themed ads."

A day or so after Outer Alliance Pride Day, in honor of which I posted an excerpt from my novel-in-progress Mistress of Woodland,[Ref #1] I read on Outer Alliance’s blog that Crossed Genres, a monthly science fiction/fantasy magazine published both online and in print, was accepting submissions for an LGBTQ issue to be published in December November. [Ref #2] In fact, Crossed Genres, itself an Outer Alliance member, had posted a version of its call for submissions as its own Outer Alliance Pride Day post.[Ref #3] Submission deadline: September 30.  If you write SF/F with LGBTQ themes and/or characters, give it a look & consider submitting some work. Besides short stories, Crossed Genres also accepts articles, artwork, serial novels, novellas, and webcomics.  See their full submission guidelines.

Cool.  I’ve been far from trying to market short stories, since I don’t generally write them, & earlier this year I decided that in any case I intend to do most publishing & marketing of any work that I actually complete (one day I will actually do so!) myself.  But on the other hand — this seemed like a great opportunity to challenge myself to something different.  So last Saturday, I started work on a story taking place in the same story universe as Cold, a novel I started writing a couple years ago as a part of National Novel Writing Month.

From an early description of Cold, before I commenced writing it:

Cold is (or will be) a novel about two young women who live on a planet in the late stages of terraforming. They’ve just met again at age 17 after one of them, Boleyn, returns from a sort of exile that she & her family have been in since Boleyn was 12 due to some kind of disgrace that her parents got into — they’d been sent to some kind of hardship duty at a remote project facility for five years. Emphasis will be more on human & social issues than on science (good thing, since I’m not a scientist) — I want to explore how human communities, & the overall ecologies they are part of, might evolve in a place that’s truly new, with no other populations whether human or alien to be “conquered” or “assimilated”? How does a planet that was formerly barren of life become, eventually, “home”? [Ref #4]

November 30, 2007: Celebrating the successful completion of NaNoWriMo 2007 with my friend Chris, another NaNoWriMo winnter

November 30, 2007: Celebrating the successful completion of NaNoWriMo 2007 with my friend Chris, another NaNoWriMo winner that year

The good news about Cold: I successfully wrote 50,000+ words during a very frantic November 2007, & was a NaNoWriMo winner that year. The bad news about Cold: as most NaNovels are at the end of a frantic November, it’s still pretty drafty, & far from finished.  (I started a “second” Cold in November 2008, to continue the story, but got not quite halfway through the month before personal issues got in the way of my being able to write.)  One day….

But in the process of writing in November 2007, I learned a few things about the history  of my characters’ terraformation project, some of it going all the way back to its origins in our own solar system. And so when I decided to attempt a submission for Crossed Genres‘ December LGBTQ-themed issue, I decided to take it back to that time, when the first ships containing human populations first set out for the generations-long passage across the Long Dark between the stars.

I’m not sure of its title yet — it might even be “Long Dark.”  I know the name of one of my two principal characters, which I discovered last Saturday at one of my favorite “what to name the baby” (that is, “what to name the character in my story”) websites: Jyoti, an Indian female name derived from the Sanskrit ज्योतिः (jyotis) meaning light.  At the time, it was simply important that the name be an Indian female name that I like, but in writing today I discovered that its meaning is plenty important too, & that’s very cool: I write at my best when I’m making discoveries in the process.  The name of the other principal might be Esti, which might mean sweet or honey if you’re Basque, or star if you’re Persian, or a misspelled version of Eesti, which is Estonia.  I’m happy with any of these meanings.  And now you know that the names of my characters is pretty important to me.

Will I finish this story in time to submit it? Beats me, but I’m sure gonna try.  Will it be accepted? Not up to me, but I’m sure gonna try.  Is it worth the doing in any case?  Yes.  So I’m on my way.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the busy week between last Saturday & this, in which I spend a good chunk of my waking time in the grey, another chunk of time (some of it overlapping) at work, another chunk writing about the (so far) failed lawsuit against the Alaska Judicial Council, & another chunk rewatching episodes from “Dexter” Season 3 — stuff was going on with Crossed Genres too.

Namely, some of the same type of gunk I wrote about in my second post on Outer Alliance Pride Day: homophobia in the world of science fiction and fantasy. [Ref #5] This took the form of the chief high muckety-muck of Flash Fiction Online, a guy named Jack Frievald, rejecting Crossed Genres’ ad — the same ad I’ve posted at the head of this blog — with the explanation, “Sorry, I don’t accept sexually themed ads.” [Ref #6]

WTF?  Sexually themed?

Bart Leib, the Crossed Genres editor who was placing the ad, had much the same reaction, so he wrote to Frievald seeking explanation.  While Frievald’s response — you can read it here on the Crossed Genres blog — was civil & thoughtfully written, it’s essentially again of the “love the sinner, hate the sin” variety: in essence, Frievald accepts that, in his words, “LGBTQ people are children of God — literally — and as worthy of respect as any other human beings” and “*being* gay — having those feelings — is simply how LGBTQ people are, and attaches no guilt to them” — which is, granted, a good deal less nasty than what we in Anchorage heard all summer from the Christianist right during our late great Summer of Hate.  But nonetheless, Frievald believes that no one besides monogamous heterosexual couples who have never been divorced should be permitted to marry, that only married couples should ever have sex, and that “those who promote ‘gay rights’ are acting under misguided beliefs about what we should or shouldn’t do as a society, and I don’t want to promote or condone those behaviors or beliefs.” [Ref #6]

I.e., he’s saying to us: “you’re a child of God, & being LGBTQ is simply who you are, no guilt attached — but your efforts to secure equality under the law with other children of God who are simply being who they are is misguided & wrong.  It’s not only okay for you to have fewer rights than us heterosexuals, but is in fact exactly how I believe society ought to be ordered.”

Here we go again.  Is that hate?  is that homophobia?

I submit for your consideration the thought that homophobia or hatred doesn’t by necessity require spittle-flecked lips, such as we in Anchorage had to continually shield ourselves from over the summer just passed.  I don’t imagine that every husband who believed it was the proper order of the world that his wife be disallowed from voting, from owning property in her own right, or from refusing sexual intercourse when he wanted it, believed that he hated his wife.  But I’ve sure never been able to put those beliefs down to love either. Or justice.  Or with how a society ought to be properly ordered.

Maybe I could put it down to liking.  After all, Frievald has divorced friends, single mother friends (even single mother family members!) who had sex out of wedlock, heterosexual married friends who use contraception — all of these friends having made choice he disapproves of, he nevertheless still likes them.  One can imagine he has gay, lesbian, bi, and/or trans friends that he likes, too.  In fact, in comments on Crossed Genres‘ blog post about the ad rejection, after Rod Santos — a gay writer who had previously sold work to Flash Fiction Online — expressed regret about Frievald’s beliefs, Frievald responded,

Hi, Rod, and thanks for the comment. I enjoyed working with you and liked you before I knew you were gay, and now that I know, I still like you and would enjoy working with you in the future, if you care to do so.

You’re one of the very few who has shown a modicum of actual tolerance — mutual respect despite fundamental differences — and I appreciate it. [Ref #6]

Yep.  He likes him.  Just as so many of the red-shirt-wearing Christianists in Anchorage this summer who claimed to have LGB or T friends but nonetheless testified before the Anchorage Assembly that we were undeserving of equal protection from discrimination.

Some friends.

Not.

I submit for your consideration the thought that liking someone does not by necessity mean that you care one whit for that person’s fair treatment or well-being.  I submit for your consideration the thought that considering someone to be your friend does not by necessity mean that the other person feels likewise about you, or that your behavior with regard to that friend is, in fact, friendship.

I will add that Bart Leib expended a considerable amount of time and energy discussing the issue of the ad rejection and his correspondence with Frievald with other members of the Outer Alliance before he finally decided to post Frievald’s email.  I finally got a chance to review that discussion tonight.  It was only at the very end of it, after a discussion involving about 100 posts from various people, that Leib even revealed to us the identity of the market & the editor who rejected the ad, & only because in the end he decided — as most agreed — that it was a responsible thing to do to make LGBTQ SF/F writers aware if there was a market that had editorial policies unfriendly to their work, or that assumed that LGBTQ-themed work was by its nature “sexually themed.”  Some of what Frievald said specifically addressed his editorial policies with regard to LGBTQ-themed material:

I would probably not publish stories where the purpose was to justify or condone homosexual relationships, polyamory, and so on — I reject all “message” stories, even those that I agree with — but that doesn’t imply that stories containing those elements will automatically be rejected…. That said, I’ve only published one story that focuses on divorce, and it shows how dysfunctional divorce is (without being a “message” story)…. [Ref #6]

It’s not too hard to connect the dots — especially if you read Frievald’s entire letter — & conclude that even stories which portray characters who “just happen to be” in healthy homosexual relationships could easily be rationalized as “message” stories which justify or condone homosexuality — or that stories portraying an unhealthy or badly-ending homosexual relationship could easily be rationalized as a “non-message” story — if only because it didn’t justify or condone homosexual relationships.

In the end, I agree with others that that Leib’s responsibility towards writers who write LGBTQ-themed fiction trumped any privacy concerns about Leib’s correspondence with Frievald.  In the words of one commenter on Leib’s post,

Thanks for letting us know where not to waste our time. I think you made the right choice. [Ref #6]

So do I.

The Outer Alliance had this to say about it:

After much discussion within the Outer Alliance, a consensus has been reached that when our writers or publishers encounter a market that is specifically unwelcoming to queer content, that we ought to make sure our membership is aware of it so that they may decide individually whether or not they wish to try to conduct business with such a market.

It is adamantly not the function of the Outer Alliance to tell its members how to behave nor to police the world of speculative fiction publishing. We do, however, believe that our membership, and many more people outside the Alliance, would prefer to have the information when it becomes known that a publisher is specifically opposed to the things we stand for. [Ref #7]

While I was not party to the discussion at the time, I agree with this consensus all the way.

What again is it that the Outer Alliance stands for?  What do I, as a member of the Outer Alliance, stand for?

As a member of the Outer Alliance, I advocate for queer speculative fiction and those who create, publish and support it, whatever their sexual orientation and gender identity. I make sure this is reflected in my actions and my work.

If you’re interested in following this issue further, tacithydra at the LiveJournal blog Venturesome has been collecting commentary and updates. [Ref #8]

Addendum:

See also Kay Holt’s brilliant takedown of Frievald’s “I wasn’t really comparing homosexuals with pedophiles when I compared homosexuals with pedophiles” claim, which I didn’t have the emotional energy to even address myself.  Thanks to her, I don’t have to. [Ref #9] Kay Holt is co-editor with Bart Leib of Crossed Genres.  See also Bart Leib’s follow-up post about the controversy.  [Ref #10] The more I see of these people, the more I like them, & their ‘zine.

References

  1. 9/1/09. “Outer Alliance Pride Day 2009: An excerpt from Mistress of Woodland” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  2. 9/2/09. “Submissions: Crossed Genres Calls for LGBTQ Spec Fic” by Natania (Outer Alliance).
  3. 9/1/09. “Outer Alliance Pride Day” by Bart Leib (Crossed Genres). Announcing its 12th issue, to be published December 1, 2009, as an LGBTQ-themed issue. (An announcement is also on Crossed Genres’ current genre page, but looks like the content there will change when they select their next theme.)
  4. 10/1/07. “About ‘Cold'” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  5. 9/1/09. “Queer eye for the sci-fi (& fantasy): LGBTA writers & homophobia” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  6. 9/9/09.  “SFF market rejects our LGBTQ ad” by Bart Leib (Crossed Genres).
  7. 9/9/09. “Regarding queer-unfriendly markets” by mbranesf (Outer Alliance).
  8. 9/9/09. “Freivald’s Flash Fiction Online is a Queer Unfriendly Market” by tacithydra (Venturesome).
  9. 9/10/09. “The Rejection Heard Round the World (well, technically…)” by Kay Holt (posting as sandykiss, LiveJournal blog). Kay Holt is co-editor with Bart Leib of Crossed Genres.
  10. 9/10/09. “Just keep your wide eyes wide wide open” by Bart Leib (Crossed Genres).
Posted in Cold, LGBTQA writers, Long Dark | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on Cold, Crossed Genres, & Flash homophobia

The Daily Tweets, 2009-09-11

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Miller v. Carpeneti: Case dismissed

The oral arguments from James Bopp, Jr. on the plaintiffs’ side and from Jeffrey Feldman on the defendants’ side took up about an hour; at the end of that time, Judge John H. Sedwick was brief and to the point: he would rule from the bench, and his ruling was to grant the defendants’ motion to dismiss the complaint against the Alaska Judicial Council.  His written order will be out next week, he hoped; and — court adjourned.

A very lot of smiles on the faces of members of the Alaska Judicial Council and its staff as they left Courtroom 3.

Just a few brief observations to make for now before I go get a bite to eat, then come back home and crash for a few hours.

I’m pleased to say that I understood most of what both sides argued — the arguments followed pretty closely what I’d already read in the paperwork, and I’d read that stuff enough that I was even by now familiar with the most important court rulings they relied upon. But while I’ve never seen these attorneys in action before, and know that Bopp is a pretty talented lawyer (he reportedly just accepted an award in Washington, DC Wednesday night as the Republican lawyer of the year), I felt a lot of stumble in his arguments, especially in his rebuttal when Judge Sedwick challenged him on a few items.  Feldman’s presentation, however, seemed clearly thought out and was logically presented from beginning to end.  His characterization of the plaintiffs’ case was to my mind very apt: “cobbled together,” he said.

I also thought it a nice bit of poetic justice that the defendants’ case was presented by Mr. Feldman — who had, as then-chair of the Alaska Commission on Judicial Conduct, been the first-named defendant in Mr. Bopp’s previous lawsuit, Alaska Right to Life Political Action Committee v. Feldman.  (Assistant Attorney General Margaret Paton-Walsh, who led the Alaska Judicial Council’s defense on behalf of the State of Alaska, was beside him at the defense table, but was not called upon to speak.  Plaintiffs’ local counsel Ken Jacobus was likewise present on the plaintiffs’ side, as was a younger man who I assume to be Joseph A. Vanderhulst, a colleague of Bopp’s at the James Madison Center for Free Speech.)

Anything else I might think of to say will have to wait until I get some sleep.

Meantime: a very happy day to you, Alaska Judicial Council members and staff, and thanks to the legal team that provided such an able defense.  It was also a privilege to sit in the courtroom of Judge Sedwick, whose name I’ve seen many a time in newspaper accounts, but who I’d never seen in person till today.

The Alaska Constitution remains intact.

Update 1:15 PM

Money quote:

“This is wonderful news,” [Chief Justice and chair of the Alaska Judicial Council Walter] Carpeneti said after Friday’s hearing, which he along with most of the judicial council attended.

Bopp said he would appeal.

That had been my question. But at least now the Alaska Judicial Council can proceed with the work necessary to place names in nomination to fill Justice Eastaugh’s Alaska Supreme Court position when he retires on November 2.

Posted in Alaska justice system | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Miller v. Carpeneti: The conservatives behind the attack on Alaska judicial independence and impartiality

Nesbett Courthouse in downtown Anchorage, part of the Alaska Court System

Nesbett Courthouse in downtown Anchorage, part of the Alaska Court System

I’ve done a lot of reading over the last couple of weeks about Miller v. Carpeneti (originally Hinger v. Carpeneti), the lawsuit against the Alaska Judicial Council due to be argued before Judge John H. Sedwick in the U.S. District Court for the District of Alaska this morning at 10:00 AM.  (Yes, I will be there.)  I intended to write about about some of what I’ve learned over the Labor Day weekend.  But, as I more-or-less predicted last time I wrote about it, my up and down moods got the better of my intentions.

Lucky for me that a real live journalist took note of the case, enough to do a real story about it. No, I’m not talking about Associated Press reporter Dan Joling’s stories which scooped everyone else in the Alaska press a whole almost-two-months after the plaintiffs distributed a press release about it far and wide — I’ve already written about that.1 No, I’m not talking about the Anchorage Daily News editorial on the case, though I agree with the ADN’s criticism of the plaintiffs’ hypocritical (my word, not ADN’s) attempt to solicit federal judicial activism to overturn two provisions of Alaska’s Constitution2 (along with a related Alaska Statute). Nor am I talking about the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner editorial, which ventured to opine that the lawsuit was “unlikely to succeed” while betraying no thoughtfulness whatsoever about the inadvisability of politicizing Alaska’s judicial selection process by making it prey to whatever happen to be the “views and values” of a particular governor — never mind a judicial candidate’s actual qualifications.3

No, the real live journalist I’m talking about is Scott Christiansen of the weekly Anchorage Press, who put together an excellent story covering much of the most essential background needed to understand the political whys and wherefores of this case.  His article is called “Battle for the bench – Why do conservatives want to change the way Alaska picks its judges?”, and if you haven’t already, I urge you to read it in full.4

The plaintiffs

The crucial facts about this politics behind this case are implicit in the title of Christiansen’s story, and in its initial paragraphs:

James Bopp won’t talk about the motivations of the Alaska plaintiffs he represents.

Bopp is an Indiana attorney suing the State of Alaska in federal court in an attempt to change the way Alaska selects its judges. Asked why his plaintiffs want to upend the system, he stonewalls and refers to the arguments in the small but growing case file that opened in July as Hinger v. Carpeneti at the federal courthouse in Anchorage.

“I have no comment about their motivations, assuming they have any beyond the general propositions that are involved here,” Bopp says.

But of course they have motivations.

From all appearances, this is a right-wing conservative attack on the Alaska judicial system. Bopp’s three original plaintiffs certainly all have right-wing street cred. One left the lawsuit after landing a job with the new administration of Alaska Governor Sean Parnell. Another is a management employee at ChangePoint, the Anchorage mega-church that last week hosted a big kickoff for a citizen initiative on abortion law. A third is a conservative attorney. He was passed over for previous judicial appointments when he applied.4

Those original three plaintiffs were Ward Hinger, Kenneth Kirk, and Carl Ekstrom. I’ll take them in reverse order:  Carl Ekstrom is a development director at the Anchorage megachurch ChangePoint4 (formerly Grace Community Church) — which, as I noted in my first post about this lawsuit, just so happens to be the same church attended by Gov. Sean Parnell.5 He’s also a public — that is, non-attorney — member of the Board of Governors of the Alaska Bar Association,4,5 appointed by Gov. Sarah Palin in February 2008 with his term set to expire in March 2011.5

Ekstrom’s position on the Board of Governors is important to the case the plaintiffs are trying to make: he is one of three non-attorney members appointed to the Board by the governor and confirmed by the governor, whereas the Board’s other nine members are attorneys “elected exclusively by members of the Alaska Bar Association,” as the plaintiff’s complaint puts it, and not subject to legislative confirmation. This composition and method of selection is set by Alaska Statutes §§ 8.08.040-050. The Board of Governors in turn appoints the three attorney members of the Alaska Judicial Council (per Article IV, § 8 of the Alaska Constitution). It’s this sequence of selections and appointments upon which the plaintiffs’ argument turns: they contend that because non-attorney citizens are not permitted to vote for the nine attorney members of the Alaska Bar’s Board of Governors, and because those nine attorney members exert supermajority control over the appointment of three of the seven members of the Alaska Judicial Council, that the “one man one vote” principle of U.S. Constitution’s Equal Protection Clause (Fourteenth Amendment) is violated.6

The Judicial Council’s attorneys, however, argue — as Christiansen’s article summarizes —

that some of the precedent cases cited by Bopp—“one person, one vote” decisions from past civil rights decisions—shouldn’t apply to judicial selection because the process is not based solely on an election.

“They apply only when a state decides to select officials through elections. They are irrelevant when the state has chosen a non-election method to select certain officials,” state attorneys wrote in a motion to dismiss the case.4

Kenneth Kirk is an Anchorage attorney practicing in the areas of family law, estate planning, adoptions, and elder law;5 according to Christiansen,

He’s also done some in-court activism on behalf of James Dobson’s Family Research Council, a major national policy arm of the conservative Christian movement. When the FRC wanted to file a friend-of-the-court brief in Alaska lawsuit over parental consent and minors choosing abortion, they called on Kirk.4

Those are some conservative credentials, all right.

Kirk is also a former judicial candidate.  He applied for two superior court positions, once in 1996 and once in 2003, but  in both cases withdrew his name from consideration before the selection process was complete or the Judicial Council had made any decision. Earlier this year, Kirk was among the applicants for the Alaska Supreme Court seat vacated by Justice Warren Matthews, but was not among the candidates nominated by the Alaska Judicial Council for that position. In that instance, the Judicial Council nominated Eric Smith and Morgan Christen;5 Gov. Palin appointed Morgan Christen on March 4, 2009 — a matter of controversy to anti-abortion conservatives, such as the Alaska Family Council headed by Jim Minnery, which lobbied Palin vigorously against Christen because she’d been on the board of Planned Parenthood in the mid-1990s — even though Planned Parenthood did not provide abortions in Alaska until 2003, according to the Anchorage Daily News.7

(Not that conservatives were terrifically happy with the Eric Smith as a choice either: he had in the 1980s been executive director of the public interest environmental law firm Trustees for Alaska, which in 2009 was opposing Palin over whether beluga whales should be considered an endangered species.7 Smith’s 1995 application to the Palmer Superior Court, to which he was appointed in 1996 by Gov. Tony Knowles, showed membership in several other environmental organizations.8)

But you begin to see where this is going: the hot-button issue of abortion.  But is it Kirk’s motivation for being a party to the case?  If it is, he wasn’t about to tell Scott Christiansen.

According to the lawsuit’s complaint, Kirk, “would have applied for the current vacancy, and would like to apply in the future but for the composition of the Alaska Judicial Council, which is empowered to review his application and make nominations…”

[Plaintiffs’ local attorney Ken] Jacobus says Kirk’s standing in the lawsuit is simple. Kirk is a conservative among liberals at the Alaska Bar Association and his ABA peers have too much say in the selection process. “I can’t say that Kenneth Kirk was not selected [as a Judicial Council nominee for the Alaska Supreme Court] because he was a conservative, but being conservative certainly doesn’t help,” Jacobus says.4

Well, that’s one theory.  Another theory is that Kenneth Kirk didn’t stand out among the six applicants for Justice Matthews’ seat on the Alaska Supreme Court (another of whom was Jacobus himself) as being, in accordance with the Alaska Judicial Council’s bylaws,

most qualified based upon the council’s consideration of their: professional competence, including written and oral communication skills; integrity; fairness; temperament; judgment, including common sense; legal and life experience; and demonstrated commitment to public and community service.9

And let me tell you: the Alaska Judicial Council’s consideration of these factors is no small or casual thing.  It’s an effort requiring months of work by Judicial Council staff and the Council members themselves, following procedures that are considered to be amongst the best in the nation for merit selection of judges.  Details on that are for another post, if my life circumstances and up and down moods allow for it, but the details are already out there anyway — at the Judicial Council’s website,10 and in several articles published in the UAA Justice Center’s quarterly Alaska Justice Forum“A Look at Judicial Selection in Alaska” by Antonia Moras11 which describes the procedure, “Judicial Selection in the U.S.” which compares Alaska’s judicial selection method with those of other states;12 and Selecting and Evaluating Alaska’s Judges: 1984–2007″ by Teresa White Carns,13 which is a “short” version of the Judicial Council’s lengthy report of the same title.

This is where I need to come forth and identify myself, as I have in other posts on my blog that you may not have read, that I work at the UAA Justice Center — in fact, I do all the layout for the Alaska Justice Forum, including creating all the pretty tables and charts you find in it.  I’ve been doing that job for 19 years, including most of the ten years from 1990 to 2000  that the Justice Center was the independent contractor that did data analysis and prepared reports on the Alaska Bar surveys that form one component of the Judicial Council’s evaluation of judicial candidates, as well as surveys for retention elections which polled peace and probation officers, jurors, guardians ad litem, social workers, and CASAs along with the bar.  It’s in the course of this work that I became aware of the Alaska Judicial Council’s role in nominating candidates to judgeships and evaluating judges standing for retention election, not to mention doing lots of first-class research on justice issues in Alaska — and to develop the great respect for it I have.  So when I heard someone complain that s/he or a candidate s/he favored didn’t get nominated because s/he was “too conservative” or “too liberal” — I have a difficult time thinking anything other than “sour grapes.”

Which is not to say that I’m expressing anyone’s view other than my own: I do not speak on behalf of the Justice Center or UAA, but only as an individual whose work experience has equipped her with knowledge relevant to the issue at hand.  And then I looked more stuff up.

But on to the next plaintiff: the original lead plaintiff Ward Hinger, from whom the first version of the case name, Hinger v. Carpeneti, was partially derived.  (The other comes from lead defendant Justice Walter Carpeneti, who as Chief Justice of the Alaska Supreme Court is also chair of the Alaska Judicial Council — all of whose members are defendants in this lawsuit.) As Scott Christiansen explains, Hinger withdrew from the case after he joined the administration of Gov. Sean Parnell as a special staff assistant working with the Departments of Health and Social Services, Military and Veterans Affairs, Corrections, and Public Safety.  Hinger told Christiansen by email that

he sued “to bring public attention” to the selection process, “and provide all AK citizens a more equal voice in the selection of their state judiciary.”4

Hinger was replaced as lead plaintiff by a Michael Miller, who is identified in the plaintiffs’ amended complaint only as a “citizen and registered voter of the State of Alaska” who “resides in Sterling, Kenai Peninsula Borough, Alaska.”6

Christiansen tried to get futher information; what he got was this:

Jacobus says he doesn’t know Miller, except that he’s not the same Mike Miller who once served the legislature.  Bopp [lead attorney James Bopp, Jr.] told the Press that everything we need to know about Miller is in the lawsuit; the court filings only describe Miller as an Alaska voter and resident of Sterling.4 [emphasis added]

So according to Jacobus, this is not the Mike Miller who served in the Alaska House from 1982 to 1992 and in the Alaska Senate beginning in 1992, where he was Senate President in 1997-1998.  So, the present case Miller v. Carpeneti involves a number of conservatives who

  1. hold anti-abortion views;
  2. are unhappy with the composition of the Alaska judiciary, enough to file a lawsuit in federal court involving judicial selection ;
  3. are represented by lead attorney James Bopp, Jr. of Terre Haute, Indiana; and
  4. include as one plaintiff a man named Michael Miller, who did not serve in the Alaska Senate.

Interestingly, turns out that in 2004 a case was filed in Alaska District Court called Alaska Right to Life Political Action Committee v. Feldman, with some interesting similarities: it involved conservatives who

  1. held anti-abortion views;
  2. were unhappy with the composition of the Alaska judiciary, enough to file a lawsuit in federal court involving judicial conduct guidelines with respect to an issue survey focused on abortion to judges standing for retention election;
  3. were represented by lead attorney James Bopp, Jr. of Terre Haute, Indiana; and
  4. included as one plaintiff a man named Michael Miller, who was formerly the president of the Alaska Senate.15

But it’s just a coincidence that a plaintiff in each case was named Michael Miller. They were different Michael Millers. Maybe James Bopp, Jr. of Terre Haute, Indiana just happens to have a pool of Michael Millers in Alaska from whom he can draw to become plaintiffs in his cases.

The plaintiffs’ lead attorney

But regardless of whether the Michael Miller of Alaska Right to Life Political Action Committee v. Feldman is the same as or different from the Michael Miller of Miller v. Carpeneti, it’s the same James Bopp, Jr. of Terre Haute, Indiana.  And if the Alaska plaintiffs have motivations in trying to overturn Alaska’s constitution with regard to judicial selection, so does James Bopp, Jr.

Some background from Christiansen’s article:

Bopp himself is founder of the James Madison Center for Free Speech, a nonprofit that attacks campaign finance laws in court on behalf of conservatives who want to pour money into the business of influencing elections.

“I have a national practice,” Bopp says. “It would be fair to say that I’ve gained a national reputation among Republicans and conservatives… people tend to come to me with their cases.”

Alaska’s social conservatives have sent Bopp into battle before. He’s filed briefs on behalf of disabled people who were against physician-assisted suicide. He’s argued against abortion rights (though Bopp would say he argued “in favor” of a hospital’s right to not participate in abortion), and he led a free speech case in which he represented plaintiffs whose speech is all about limiting abortion rights.

The free speech case was a 2002 attack on Alaska campaign finance disclosure laws. Bopp represented Alaska Right to Life, Inc. in a lawsuit against the Alaska Public Offices Commission. Alaska Right to Life wanted to launch a phone campaign during the last week of the race for governor between Frank Murkowski and Fan Ulmer. APOC said the proposed phone campaign qualified as electioneering. The pro-life organization wanted to spend money without reporting where the money came from, claiming its calls were “issue advocacy” protected by the First Amendment—despite a script that included Alaska Right to Life’s interpretation of each candidate’s views.4

But of course, another Alaska case Bopp took on was the aforementioned Alaska Right to Life Political Action Committee v. Feldman 504 F.3d 840 (9th Cir. 2007).  This case involved the use of a partisan forced-choice questionnaire by Alaska Right to Life in an attempt to pressure 16 Alaska judges standing for retention in the 2002 judicial retention election to state their opinions on controversial issues like abortion and euthanasia, and to challenge the Alaska Code of Judicial Conduct’s restrictions on judges’ speech. See Kelly Taylor’s in-depth discussion of this case — most of it readily understood by the intelligent non-lawyer — in the December 2008 issue of the Alaska Law Review, entitled “Silence at a Price? Judicial Questionnaires and the Independence of Alaska’s Judiciary”.15 Besides giving a good backgrounder on the history of attempts to politicize Alaska’s judicial retention election and organized political attacks on individual judges, mostly due to particular legal rulings which were unpopular with some (mainly conservatives), Taylor’s article demonstrates how the Alaska Right to Life case was but one battle in what she terms “The Nationwide Effort to Politicize Judicial Elections.”15

And guess who’s at the forefront of that battle?

The Indiana law firm of Bopp, Coleson & Bostrom has been the driving force behind the majority of cases challenging judicial speech restrictions, and its focus is not only on Alaska but on the nation as a whole. In addition to arguing White before the Supreme Court of the United States, James Bopp, Jr. was involved in Alaska Right to Life Political Action Committee v. Feldman, at least three other cases that  went to the circuit court level, and at least six cases that ended at the district court level.15

White is a reference to the landmark U.S. Supreme Court case Republican Party of Minnesota v. White, 536 U.S. 765 (2002), a major Bopp victory which established a precedent that the Alaska Right to Life plaintiffs depended upon in their effort to declare certain provisions of Alaska’s judicial conduct code unconstitutional.  Again, read the article for analysis; but suffice it to say that one of the issues at stake here is whether Alaska’s judiciary will be forced — as they already are in some other states — to sacrifice their judicial independence and impartiality to the altar of political correctness and narrow partisan ideologies.

Bopp believes that judges’ opinions on controversial issues should be publicized so voters can make informed decisions at the polls. “Anybody who tells you it doesn’t matter what judge you get is a fool,” Bopp said in an interview. “Judges have discretion,” he continued, “[t]heir personal opinions matter and their views matter.” As Bopp explains, judges should be free to express their views and then be expected to enforce the law. Critics believe that, rather than fighting for judicial candidates’ speech rights, Bopp is using the First Amendment to attack judicial independence and make judges “ideologically accountable.”15

The interview Taylor cites there is “The Big Bopper: This Terre Haute Lawyer Is Exploding the Canons of Judicial Campaign Ethics” by Terry Carter,16 another good source on Bopp’s background and his campaign to politicize not just the Alaskan, but the American, judicial system.

What’s at stake? As Taylor explains,

Although the Alaska Constitutional Convention briefly discussed possible benefits of electing judges, delegates placed too great an emphasis on judicial independence to adopt an election system of judicial selection. As Judiciary Committee Chairman George McLaughlin warned, the judiciary in an election system is “dictated and controlled by a political machine.” Delegate Edward Davis, citing experiences in Idaho, cautioned that an elected judge is retained or dismissed “completely irrespective of qualifications.” Concerned with minimizing the influence of politics on Alaska’s judiciary, the Convention voted by an overwhelming majority to adopt a merit-based system of judicial selection.15

This is the system that’s been in use in Alaska for all its fifty years (so far) of statehood.  And it’s not just us. According to the American Judicature Society, as of 2004

thirty-two states and the District of Columbia use some form of merit selection at one or more levels of their courts…. Fifteen states and the District of Columbia use a merit selection plan with a nominating commission—such as the Alaska Judicial Council—for either or both the appellate courts and the courts of general jurisdiction. Nine states use a combination of merit selection and other methods, and another nine use merit selection to fill mid-term vacancies.12

Compare Alaska’s merit selection system, designed to find judges with high levels of professional competence and integrity, with the narrowly drawn ideological and political correctness demanded by Karen Lewis, Executive Director of Alaska Right to Life, main plaintiff in Bopp’s lawsuit against Alaska’s Commission on Judicial Conduct:

If a legislator or a judge will not stand up and protect innocent human life in the womb, I do not trust [him] on any other issue.15

Imagine, then, a system of judicial appointment or election in which judicial qualifications were drawn this narrowly, by people’s this or that political or ideological or religious belief — conservative, liberal, in-between, or loony fringes to either side: having nothing to do with one’s knowledge of the law or fairness or integrity, or any of that other competence claptrap: just fill out a partisan forced choice questionnaire, and otherwise be as stupid or incompetent as you want to be.  To heck with the laws as written by the only people empowered constitutionally to write them — i.e., legislators and Congress.  Belief is all that matters.

That’s what Alaska Right to Life Political Action Committee v. Feldman was driving at (and, lucky for us, got held off): judicial retention elections driven by conformity to political and ideological partisanship. In states where judges are elected to begin with, it’s often that way from the start, and judges and would-be judges have to  raise just as much cash for campaigining as politicians do — because judges have to become politicians themselves.  Do you really expect impartial interpretation of the law from a judge who is getting campaign donations from the very lawyers practicing before him?  (Did someone say lawyers have too much power in Alaska’s judicial selection system?  Just look at how much power lawyers-as-campaign-contributors already have in states where judges are elected.)

But I think Bopp and his collaborators have raised the stakes a notch with Miller v. Carpeneti. Here they’re not just trying to politicize our retention elections.  Here they’re trying out a novel new legal theory in a first step toward trying to throw our merit-based system of judicial selection out altogether — even perhaps, if they can, establish a precedent whereby other state’s merit-based systems can also be dismantled.

A nasty specter, that.  This is what the plaintiffs are asking for.  Whatever their immediate motivations may be, whether they’ve thought it through or not, this underlies it all, this is what they’ve lent themselves to.

Ken Jacobus, local counsel for the plaintiffs:

“These are all conservatives, but that doesn’t mean they come at it for the same reasons,” he says. “My own view is straightforward. The attorneys have too much say (in selecting judges) and that’s right up front. There’s nothing behind it.”4

The Alaska Constitution has built into it the means by which to amend it.  If you feel the attorneys (you being one yourself, Mr. Jacobus) have too much say: there’s your proper path: two-thirds vote of each house of the Alaska Legislature, followed by a majority vote in a general election; or a new constitutional convention.

What, too hard?  Then maybe its not the will of the Alaska people to change what ain’t broke.  I guess that’s why you’re trying to make an end run around us, into a federal court.

References

  1. 8/29/09. Miller v. Carpeneti: Where was the press?” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  2. 8/28/09. “Our view: Judicial activism — Lawsuit seeks to change Alaska’s Constitution” [editorial] (Anchorage Daily News).
  3. 8/28/09. “Judicial wrangling: Nomination lawsuit seems chancy but understandable” [editorial] (Fairbanks Daily News-Miner).
  4. 9/2/09. “Battle for the bench – Why do conservatives want to change the way Alaska picks its judges?” by Scott Christiansen (Anchorage Press).
  5. 8/27/09. “Lawsuit asks feds to overrule Alaska Constitution” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  6. 7/28/09. [Document 32]. First Amended Verified Complaint for Declaratory and Injunctive Relief (42 U.S.C. § 1983). Miller replaces Hinger as first-named plaintiff, prompting change of case name to Miller v. Carpeneti.
  7. 3/4/09. “Palin bucks pressure in Supreme Court appointment — SCRUTINY: Selection went against push from Alaska Family Council” by Lisa Demer (Anchorage Daily News).
  8. 12/18/1995. “Application for Judicial Appointment: Palmer Superior Court” by Eric Booth Smith (Alaska Judicial Council).
  9. Alaska Judicial Council Bylaws, Article I.
  10. 10/3/05; amended 6/30/07. “Procedures for Nominating Judicial Candidates” (Alaska Judicial Council).
  11. “A Look at Judicial Selection in Alaska” by Antonia Moras. Alaska Justice Forum 21(3): 1, 7-9 (Fall 2004).
  12. “Judicial Selection in the U.S.” Alaska Justice Forum 21(3): 10-12 (Fall 2004).
  13. “Selecting and Evaluating Alaska’s Judges: 1984–2007” by Teresa White Carns. Alaska Justice Forum 25(4): 8–10 (Winter 2009).
  14. Senator Mike Miller. Alaska State Legislature (former official website for House and Senate Legislative Majorities).
  15. 12/08. “Silence at a Price? Judicial Questionnaires and the Independence of Alaska’s Judiciary” by Kelly Taylor. 24 Alaska Law Review 303.
  16. 11/06. “The Big Bopper: This Terre Haute Lawyer Is Exploding the Canons of Judicial Campaign Ethics” by Terry Carter (ABA Journal).
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Saturn is Heavier in My Dreams

Saturn. Credit: NASA, ESA and E. Karkoschka (University of Arizona). Hubblesite.org

Saturn. Credit: NASA, ESA and E. Karkoschka (University of Arizona). Hubblesite.org

Saturn is Heavier in My Dreams

My head’s getting squashed again, all low and squat
like I lived on Saturn or someplace like that,
where the planet is heavy, and a woman from Earth
can’t lift her head.

My feet drag like they do in my dreams sometimes,
and I don’t know why . . . like there’s a path
I’m trying to follow but I don’t know how
to walk, one foot in front of the other.
I’m surprised in the morning when I run to the bus
and my feet fly, knowing how to move.

Saturn is heavier in my dreams than it is in waking.
I used to peer through the telescope at it:
tiny in the sky with ears — that’s how Galileo drew it.
It was listening . . . listening to the dark, and glowing.

I want to call it a she.
She feels like a female to me.
I want to call her by some name
other than that of the old
god who ate his children.

In my dreams she has a deep, deep weight,
and every step I take is made of lead.
I try to put the two together —
the silent, listening ears
trying to comprehend the universe;
the roads I have been too weak to follow
cast in Technicolor
against my eyelids on difficult nights.

I am trying to be like her, listening,
stolidly walking her path along the ecliptic.

If I died now I would remain here, a ghost
haunting places I was afraid to leave,
begging the living to release me into
something that might move —
a river, somebody’s feet . . .
Saturn in her purposeful wandering.

[March 21, 1983]

About this poem

Okay, this damn grey business, this damn low-level depression… what’s it take to get out of it?

They — the sojourns into depression — used to be routinely a lot darker & longer lasting than what I go through nowadays.  I’ve learned a lot about how to take care of them.  Enough sleep, beware of overcommitments (& pull back when I have them), friendships of trust, along with healthy food & a few helpful supplements like 5-HTP, vitamin D3 (as reminded to me by a Facebook friend last night), omega-3s.  Not immersing myself in bad news or political hatreds (which was kinda hard not to do this past summer in Anchorage, let me tell you; & the teabaggy birther stuff still going on nowadays, with acompanying ranty ravy hate-filled invective in reader comments on the Anchorage Daily News website is not a happy place to visit either).  Even with all of this, the bad days still sometimes come.  It’s just a matter of taking care of myself & waiting for the relief when they dissolve away.

But back in the bad old days of my self-hating youth, I used to get a sort of sick pleasure out of the bad feeling — like the Carly Simon song, “Suffering was the only thing / made me feel I was alive.”  I had to sleep it off, like a drunk.  And I didn’t like it if I felt it leaving when I was still awake.  How’s that for messed up?

That began to change when I was in my early 20s, around 1983 & 1984.  This poem marked the first time in my recall that I felt the depression dissolve away when I was still awake, & was glad of it.  In fact, it dissolved away as I wrote the poem — which was one early evening when I was alone staffing the Alaska Gay & Lesbian Resource Center, at the time located (briefly) on 5th Avenue in downtown Anchorage.  (At what is now, I believe, a small parking lot next to Keybank between F & G Streets, for what it’s worth).

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The Daily Tweets, 2009-09-09: Partly cloudy

yksin itse "Photo Booth" Macintosh grey

  • Coming out of the grey. #
  • Well, I _thought_ I was coming out of the grey. Maybe not. #
  • Yet another example of GOP family values hypocrisy. CA lawmaker open-mic’d his affairs w/ lobbyists. http://tinyurl.com/lumho5 #
  • Twitter app on Facebook finally updating FB status about 3 hours behind the times. #
  • How much data cited re: homeless in Anchorage is utter bunkum? Hope decisionmakers are using the right data, not the crap I just read. #
  • RT: @celticdiva Well…depends on the bar… // Preferably not one frequented by @talkradiohost (tho I guess he prefers crotchgrabs) #
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