The Daily Tweets 2010-08-15

  • A friend at Side Street, on hearing of my #colonoscopy experience, recommended Ben Franklin's essay "Fart Proudly" http://bit.ly/d4oTYp #fb #
  • As a patriotic American, yes, 'tis incumbent upon me to read a Founding Father's discourse on pooting with pride. Palin: take note. #fb #
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The Daily Tweets 2010-08-14

  • @Inked_Tigress EchoEchoEcho? Has the Season 2 DVD of Dollhouse come out? in reply to Inked_Tigress #
  • 10 PM: halfway through 2nd quart. I'm about tired of Constipated Athlete's Gatorade ™ now. #colonoscopy #fb #
  • Ch 2 news van, numerous vehicles, news equipment on sidewalk in front of Consortium Library… but no newsies. & no one knows why. #fb #
  • News vans/equip in front of Consortium Library might be here for statement abt survivors of Ted Stevens plane crash…. #
  • … who are at Prov Hospital just across the street. #
  • I'm hungry. I wonder why? #colonoscopy #fb #
  • Heading across the street to Prov Hospital for my #colonoscopy See you all on the other side. #fb #
  • #colonoscopy aftercare can be summed up in two words: fart freely. #fb #
  • And, I can happily report, I am polyp-free. Next #colonoscopy 2020. We are now celebrating over Bear Tooth nackos & Buffy. #fb #
  • And also: my passport arrived! #fb #
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The Daily Tweets 2010-08-13

  • Today: pre-colonoscopy liquid diet. Ensure drink I was allowed for bfast had 41g carbs. Bleh too much. Wish it was whey protein instead. #fb #
  • Cautioning coworkers: Don't drink that quart of Gatorade I put in fridge. You wont' enjoy the results. Mmmm mmmm Mmmiralax. #colonoscopy #fb #
  • RT: @MariKurisato: Thx, I can't have a cookie today anyway. On a liquid diet today & working to make #colonoscopy a Twitter trending topic. #
  • Prep schedule item: 10 AM: "4 Dulcolax pills." Still working on making #colonoscopy a Twitter trending topic. #fb #
  • Steve Haycox on Talk of Alaska w/ Steve Heimel: a good case cd be made that Ted Stevens was most important single figure in AK history. #fb #
  • @redrummy I'm following dr's orders for screening colonoscopy tom. at Prov. Normally I don't take laxatives, stool softeners, or Gatorade. in reply to redrummy #
  • @redrummy The joys of being over 50. But I'm told that normally I should only have to do this once ever 10 years or so. #
  • Lunchtime: potluck for departing coworker. But for me on my pre #colonoscopy liquid diet? Warmed-up organic chicken broth. Mmmmmmmm! #fb #
  • RT: @Inked_Tigress: That teen girl sounds very LIKEable. #
  • Gatorade with Miralax: sports drink of choice for the constipated athlete. (Or for someone prepping for tomorrow's #colonoscopy ) #fb #
  • A shoutout to my friend Marcia, who in honor of my forthcoming #colonoscopy called to regale me w/ the Rotorooter theme song. #fb #
  • Don't follow @redrummy too close @ShardAngel or he'll give you a #colonoscopy #
  • @redrummy @ShardAngel i mean, dont stop too fast! clearly all this propylene glycol is crapping up
    my thinking #
  • In prepping for my #colonoscopy prep, I should have called up NASA & ordered up pne of those astronaut diapers. #2020HINDsight #fb #
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The Daily Tweets 2010-08-12

  • RT: @celticdiva: To those who called AK bloggers "sellouts" b/c we recognize accomplishments of Sen Stevens on day of his death…bite me! #
  • Testing 78 79 80 #
  • @redrummy: Finally got @#)@&)#!!! Twitter Tools to work from my blog again hut! in reply to redrummy #
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The Daily Tweets 2010-08-07

  • @sandykidd Happy birthday! #
  • RIP Donald Behrend. He was UAA Chancellor when I started working at the UAA Justice Center 20 years ago. http://bit.ly/9ZyvFK #

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Props to the Prop 8 judge

Artemis and Lori

Artemis and Lori: Married Nov 3, 2008 - but the next day California voters stripped them of their right to marry their partner of choice

Artemis &  Lori had been in a relationship for 15 years before they married in Palm Springs, California on November 3, 2008.  The following day, California voters voted to strip them of their civil right to to marry the partner of their choice by passing Proposition 8.  I took the above photo in Anchorage, Alaska 12 days after their wedding, on November 15, as they joined millions of lesbians, gays, & their allies in cities all around America protesting Proposition 8 & other such products of prejudice which deny us equality under the law.  (Alaska voters passed a similar proposition in 1998, about which you can read some of the history in my 9 May 2009 post “Same-sex marriage: A personal history”.)

Yesterday Artemis & Lori’s marriage became more than a legal anomaly again, thanks to a ruling by U.S. District Court Chief Judge Vaughn Walker that found Prop 8 to be unconstitutional.  Undoubtedly the case will go on to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals & thence to the U.S. Supreme Court — but for now, same-sex couples have hopes of finding legal recognition — at least in California & the other few states that accord equivalent rights to same-sex couples — of their love & commitment to one another.

I’m not going to write about this length — I just want to celebrate.

Congratulations Artemis & Lori, & all the other visitors to & residents of California whose love for another was voted off the books in 2008!  Congratulations, all you other same-sex couples who now might be able to marry!

Here’s some Alaska places where you can read more in-depth commentary & analysis about Judge Walker’s decision & what it might mean to us in Alaska:

Marriage = <3 + <3

Marriage = <3 + <3 (at Anchorage PrideFest 2010)

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Anatomy of an Epidemic: Book review

Note from Mel: Just as I hoped, Ptery agreed to post his review of this important book here. A version of this book review has been submitted to the weekly newspaper Real Change in Seattle. I’ve read this book too, & will be posting my own reactions to it within the next few days. I should mention that I’m the person who “dodged the magic bullets” who Ptery mentions a ways into it.

Anatomy of an Epidemic

Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America by Robert Whitaker
(New York: Crown Publishers, 2010).
416 pages. ISBN 978-0-307-45241-2.

An epidemic of gargantuan proportions has been afoot for some time, according to Robert Whitaker, author of Anatomy of an Epidemic. I have felt it so myself, but who listens to previous customers of the great professional class of biological psychiatrists?

The epidemic

Whitaker originally came to this research in 1998 as a journalist reporting on clinical testing of new drugs, when he became aware of studies in which schizophrenia patients were withdrawn from their anti-psychotic medications. He was appalled, believing that anti-psychotic medications were as necessary for schizophrenia as insulin was for diabetics — which is what the psychiatric profession wanted us all to believe. But he came across the results of two World Health Organization studies, both of which showed better outcomes for sufferers of schizophrenia in Third World countries like India, Nigeria, and Colombia than in the Western world (U.S. and European). The kicker is that only 16% of those sufferers were maintained continuously on anti-psychotic medications, compared with 61% of the patients in developed countries. This began a long research for Whitaker, leading to his earlier book, Mad in America (2001), and Anatomy of an Epidemic (2010), both of which confirm what many opponents of forced treatment have been saying for years without the benefit of “a white coat” or the aura of respectability (they were “just patients,” or they were “just members of a mind control cult called Scientology” — biopsychiatry’s largest opposition). Whitaker has shown that there is no “chemical imbalance” that is rebalanced by anti-psychotic medications, but that the medications cause harm to the nerves of the brain, which do not always recover, creating more illness over time than there had ever been. The result has been an epidemic rise in the population of disabled mentally ill, from 355,000 adults in state and county mental hospitals in 1995 to over 4 million on SSI or SSDI for mental illness — 1 in 76 American adults.

Anatomy of an Epidemic goes far beyond how those suffering from schizophrenia are treated, but covers all major classes of mental illness. The epidemic is most evident in the history of depression and bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder especially used to be very rare, occurring in only 1 in 13,000 people in 1955, but now occurring in 1 in 40 people. Whitaker points to antidepressants as the culprit, giving those who suffer from depression debilitating outcomes, where as before many people recovered from depression on their own. In one study discussed by Whitaker of 87,290 patients from 1997 to 2001 who were diagnosed with depression or anxiety, those treated with antidepressants converted to bipolar illness at three times the rate of those who didn’t take antidepressants.

The epidemic has also spread to children all the way down to toddler ages. In children, ADHD has been the beginning diagnosis, leading to high outcomes of bipolar and poor outcomes further on as the children grow into adulthood if they are placed on stimulants that are supposed to address their issues. From 1987, when the practice of prescribing psychiatric medications to children gained traction, to 2007, the number of American children getting SSI or SSDI checks for disability because of mental illness increased by 35 times, from 16,200 in 1987 to 561,569 in 2007. This is in spite of medications that the psychiatric profession has assured us are supposed to help people — not disable them.

So, finally after 60 years of misinformation and withholding of truth from psychiatrists, a book of rational upstanding merit has hit the media. Anatomy of an Epidemic also documents how psychiatrists and their allies the pharmaceutical companies have managed such a scheme. It has been the most important book for me to read in over twenty years as I struggled to tell others about the possibility of real disability from taking psychiatric drugs. Those who did the research chose alternatives to drugs. I also have friends who are on the medications because they have been on them too long to stop. They are still in pain and it saddens me, but I understand.

Getting off psychiatric medications

I also understand that there are some people who have been helped by psychiatric drugs, and I would not want them to go off them because it is better for them to be taking them. No one knows why they work, or what causes mental illness in the first place. Whitaker himself does not advise anyone to stop taking their meds. One reason is that withdrawal from medications is a process that will uncover the nerve damage from the medications and any previous problems that were unsolved will be more present. I will not hesitate to suggest to people to do their research and read Peter Breggin’s book Your Drug May Be Your Problem. Breggin provides food for thought about medications and life itself for someone contemplating trying life without drugs. Breggin gives sound information on how to safely transition off psychiatric medications. It is dangerous, but many people have done it successfully. BUT DO THE RESEARCH and HAVE A PLAN and BACK UP people you trust to go through this with you, including a sympathetic doctor. I understand that this can be hard. So many people are locked into their drugs with housing, SSI, SSDI and family relationships that make it even more complicated.

The reality is that no one knows what causes mental illness. All this talk of a biochemical cause has been a nice looking charade for people to look like they are scientific and keep their jobs. [not to mention gaining professional prestige and making lots of money.] They’ve done an amazing marketing job on the American public; unfortunately they have misled us all in a way that is worse than criminal. Prozac was known to cause suicidal thoughts and impulses in the first trials of that drug. But did they [Eli Lilly, Prozac's manufacturer] tell anyone? Did they put it on the label? Did they hold it from production? No. They did none of these things. It was the reporting of incidents and several lawsuits that finally led to a label being put on the bottle. Many places in Europe the drug is banned. Whitaker’s book fills in a lot of the gaps in information that people so desperately need that the press has not delivered — having gone straight to the “experts” for their information.

A Finnish solution: Open Dialogue

Besides the research with many graphs showing the numbers and history of pharmopsychiatry, the most exciting thing to me about Anatomy of an Epidemic is Whitaker’s ponderings of what to do and who’s doing what. Particularly, the Finns in Western Lapland (which once had an incidence of schizophrenia twice and even three times higher than in the rest of Finland and Europe), use need-adapted treatment and Open Dialogue and have shown a sound record of success with psychosis and schizophrenia. In this method, the recovery rate for patients is astonishing. Only 20% of first-time psychotic patients are treated continuously with anti-psychotic medication, and only about one-third are exposed to anti-psychotic medications at all. Yet 80% — most not treated at all with medications — are back at school or in jobs within two to five years. The Open Dialogue method works by creating a team of three who work collaboratively as a team with the patient and his or her family and support system. Meetings, usually in the patient’s home, are conducted openly, with every person, including the patient, included as a full participant in the conversation, and all treatment decisions are made jointly between the patient and treatment providers. There is no forced treatment, most patients never receive medications, and only around 20% end up using medications continuously. Since 1993, not even one first-episode psychotic patient in Western Lapland has gone on to be chronically hospitalized — a very different outcome than had been common there before, or what is still common in the U.S.

The Finnish psychiatrists and psychologists in Western Lapland also have the idea that the illness is social rather than biological or even psychological. “Psychosis does not live in the head,” Whitaker quotes Tapio Salo, a psychologist at Keropudas Hospital in Tornia, Finland. “It lives in the in-between of family members, and in the in-between of people. It is in the relationship, and the one who is psychotic makes the bad condition visible. He or she ‘wears the symptoms’ and has the burden to carry them.”

This is novel language for me, who has felt that this kind of communication is essential to healing but didn’t have a name for it. Knowing who you are, what you need and having people to share your reality with is crucial to mental health. Having used a talking stick (a Native American communication tool) at home when things got out of hand with my nephew, I can attest to this firsthand. (See my story below). And it follows along with what systems theory says about how things work: that the relationships within any system are much more important to look than just its “parts.” An individual person is just one part of a system of social and physical relationships.

The Finnish doctors talk about repairing the social fabric the “sick” person is in. It makes so much sense to me that Open Dialogue therapy as used in Tornio works. Why don’t we get unafraid of being seen as “crazy” and speak up? Why don’t we get unafraid of “crazy” people and listen up as well? They’ve done it in Finland and since the 1980s have reduced the incidence of schizophrenia in Western Lapland down from 25 a year to 2 a year as measured from new cases. I could see collaborative methods like Open Dialogue working with all sorts of problems. Creating this space, we could face a lot more than we can alone and in this process we could do restorative justice, heal our children, change the school system, and change how we all look at what’s important.

I highly recommend Anatomy of an Epidemic to anyone associated with psychiatry as a patient, family member, friend, city planners and care providers because the truth must be made known and the large construct of lies that underlie bio-psychiatry and the the psychopharmaceutical marketplace needs to stop. If you want the short version before buying it, watch Whitaker’s on BookTV here: http://cs.pn/magicbullets. (Whitaker also has links to all the studies referred to in his book at his website: http://www.madinamerica.com/.)

A personal story

But before you go and hate all these doctors, think about what kind of culture we live in. I for one have had to struggle with my own illness and treatment that was supposed to help. In the late 1980s, I had several problems that I understand today, but didn’t at the time. It all culminated in me starting to drink — alcohol was my lead-in drug. It led to LSD really fast, and then to me getting lost in the streets of San Francisco, losing four days of sleep and food. Of course I was crackers. I needed sleep and food. I got it in the hospital, but I also got a cocktail of heavy drugs. I only survived not becoming a statistic through having become aware of what Haldol (an “antipsychotic”) was and what others have suffered before me by the hands of psychiatry. I had a short stay in the hospital because I started tonguing the meds (and secretly spitting them out) as soon as I was able to figure out where I was. I think it was day three, when I finally got enough sleep that I was able to look at the map of San Francisco that was on the wall, and it all came back to me. I was oriented again times three. (This is medical provider talk meaning that the patient can state who he/she is, where he/she is, when he/she is — day, year, etc.) So, very shortly I got my support team together and advocated myself right out of there.

It took years for me to overcome the stigma from what happened to me and finding words for who I am, what I need in order to form healthy relationships. Even though I knew the system was screwy, I had a rough time with what I did. I did take too many drugs, I got lost, and I felt a lot of shame about that. That was over 25 years ago and I’ve recovered and I understand what happened from a deep level. I can now talk about how it started for me: being a kid from an alcoholic family who also happened to be a transman. I started drinking when I hit adolescence, but before I could even face my rare “queer” identity, I was sexually molested by my therapist. Now if anyone understands how that can affect a kid, well, of course it felt weird, but also I was getting attention for being special and getting attention period. It also gave me the idea that I was really an adult. Other than giving me a few tools on how not to drink, he didn’t “cure” me, but instead gave me a sexual addiction to carry with me for a number of years. I went off to college to try and figure out my vocation and didn’t succeed.

When I returned from college, I was assaulted again, but after this time I went on to a woman’s festival in Michigan. During the four-day event, a woman was taken off the land to a psychiatric facility. There was uproar and I became politicized from it. It could have been me freaking out, but was lucky I had someone to talk to about what happened with me. So in short order, I learned about class, race, mental-ism, able-ism. Then I went on a journey to Big Mountain in Arizona, a portion of the Dine Nation’s reservation lands, and there learned about what community was. In all that journeying, I became closer to coming out as trans, but alas, what led up to hospitalization was getting back to the city where everyone is supposed to watch their own back, get a job, with no one to feed or house them if they fail. In this condition, so many things hit the fan at once. At the point of my forced hospitalization, I understood something at a gut level that took another 25 years to sort out and articulate.

I spent those years as an activist. I also found my partner who suffers periodically from depression who says she’s “dodged the magic bullets” of psychiatric medications, instead learning to take care of herself successfully in other ways. Together we raised my nephew who came to us at age 9, diagnosed “severely emotionally disturbed” and on the antidepressant Imipramine — at least the fourth drug that he’d been tried on (the others being Ritalin, Dexedrine, and Thorazine). We took him off it over the course of 6 months where he finally stabilized without it and started to work on his violent behavior. He’s been completely drug free since age 9-1/2, and is now a strapping good-hearted 22-year-old who’s just finishing up Job Corps.

Being trans was the last piece that put my life on track. I now have an inkling of who I am what I need and have found happiness in being able to communicate this to others. I have also taken off from this culture to research what needs to change before I can come back and work. I am without a house to live in, but I am not homeless. I look back in on a culture that is not facing up to facts and certainly not comfortable with facing the despair that many who are leaders of this new movement towards sustainability have felt.

Mental health & sustainability

Finally, to share what is most importance to me about this book: The kind of collaboration demonstrated in Open Dialogue offers a way to heal in a wider sense. Open Dialogue fits into the 4th step of The Natural Step, a sustainability framework put forth by a medical doctor in Sweden (Dr. Karl-Henrik Robèrt) who cut through all the confusing arguments around what needed to be done about the environment. He saw a direct correlation to the rising rates of cancer that was killing his patients.
Simply, the four steps of the Natural Step are:

  1. Reduce the amount of materials that are brought up from under the earth in to the level the natural system can make it non-toxic again.
  2. Reduce the amount of man made materials to levels the natural system can t transform back into none-toxic again.
  3. Reduce the destruction to natural systems so they can do the work of detoxifying these substances.
  4. Meet human needs worldwide.

The fourth step — meeting human needs worldwide — is the one most confusing to sustainability folks, and I’ve given it a great deal of thought over the years since I learned of this framework. I see Americans suffering form a spiritual poverty and great alienation from their environment, while third world countries suffer from hunger and a dearth of material needs. Given the World Health Organization reports of higher cure rates in Third World nations points to a possibly more intact society, whereas in developed nations like the U.S. there is more alienation, broken families and a rare occurrence of extended families with rich supports intact. The ideal of the independent person has been very destructive to the social fabric.

Open Dialogue and similar collaborative methods offer a means of healing. It’s important as we move through this economic/ecological crisis that we find a way to mend the social fabric. As the casualties of our mental health system pile up and people are unable to take care of themselves, we will not be able to sustain all the costs. This is one of the reasons that the downtown shelters run by officials that cost so much are having so many problems. They are bearing some of the cost of psychiatry’s methods.

Where I am in Tent City 4, we’re taking care of each other and keeping our heads on straight. We do so by coming together and working it out collectively. All the people here are learning that we can take care of each other, where the system failed us. We don’t ask for much, just a job and an apartment, but we’re keeping our heads together in the meantime and living in tents and organizing so that we stay safe. This is revolutionary for people. The amazing thing is, is that it works. To run 16 shelters in the area costs SHARE about $725,000 per year to run, while around 500 beds are provided. I have faith in humans to fix all the stuff going on by talking about it.

As the epidemic of mental illness rises to a crisis point, so does the pathway to a sustainable future narrow. As more people become aware of the ecological crisis, we’ll need some kind of safe communication space to work out our despair and grief. Again, this is prohibitive work on a public scale. Much change needs to happen soon if society wants to continue.

It’s all connected. It’s time for us to start talking to each other rather than relying on the experts. We all see how it is going — we need to gather together and think together. There is such a thing as collective intelligence, and I think the Finns are on to something big. There is such a thing as opening our hearts in safe space and working it out, rather than waiting for our “superiors” or “experts” to tell us what to do. We have eyes and something special between our ears. I believe we can do it. Let’s get it done.

Rippled sand &amp; mountains

Posted in Ecology, No Way Way, Ptery, Social justice, depression | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Daily Tweets 2010-08-01

  • Lowlife: My GCI phone bill adventure with Accusatory Woman, who popped her cork — but what came out was NOT champagne. http://bit.ly/cEvMiN #

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Lowlife

A picture before bed (083/365)

So last night I was just kicking back on the couch after a long (but good!) work week chomping down on some kielbasa & sauerkraut & indulging in the second-to-last episode of Lost Season 2 (h/t to my friend Barb who lent me the first three seasons on DVD), when my cell phone rang.  I paused the DVD & answered.

“Is this the person calling herself Melissa S. Green?” the female caller asked.

I thought to myself, not only do I call myself that, but that is in fact who I am.  But I simply said, “Yes.”

Whereupon my caller launched into a rant about what kind of fraud was I attempting to perpetrate by having my mail sent to her address — and named off the address — where she had known the landlady for 20 years & knew that no such person as me had ever lived there (in fact, I had lived there for five years from 2001 to 2006, when I moved to my current place), and told me I was a lowlife who didn’t pay her cell phone bills, and then named off all three cell phone numbers attaching to my account.  (Mine, Ptery’s, Jesse’s.)  Apparently she was also getting a baby magazine directed to me.

Me?  A baby magazine?  Hardly.

I will not lie & say I remained calm throughout.  Bloody hell dammit, I had worked hard this week, was entitled to some Friday night relaxation without being yelled at & called a lowlife by a complete stranger.  I called her a bitch at one point.  I think that’s the word I used.  Or maybe I told her to frak off, only using the non-Battlestar Galactica version of the f-word?  Don’t remember. Anyway, she scolded me — in a near-scream — that I shouldn’t use foul language, & later proceeded to call me a cunt.  Ah, okay.  Do as we say, not as we do.

All the same, as I reflected after she hung up on me, there must be some truth to the rumor she was getting some of my mail, since she couldn’t have gotten all three of our cell phone numbers without opening up one of our GCI phone bills.  (Which means, I must add, that she committed a federal offense worth up to five years in prison under 18 U.S.Code 1702. Funny — she threatened to file charges against me, on what grounds I’m not sure.  But I have pretty clear ground to stand on to file charges on her. Not that I will.)

Anyway, I decided to calm down & just try to get to the bottom of things.  Her number, of course, was recorded on my cell phone — I don’t know her name, so she’s now listed in my address book as “Accusatory Woman.”

“I just want to get to the bottom of this,” I said when Accusatory Woman answered my phone call.  She retorted, “So do I, so go to the post office and fill in a change of address form.”  I tried to explain that I had lived at that address through August 2006, and my landlady was named [name not given to protect my landlady's privacy]… & then I realized that Accusatory Woman had hung up on me.

So… I called my prior landlady.

“Yes, of course I remember you!” she said.  And “yes, that sounds like it could be my present tenant,” she said after I told her about Accusatory Woman, and “she’s been having some issues.”  She said she’d give her a call in the next couple of days — probably not tonight since Accusatory Woman didn’t appear to be in a receptive mode — & try to get any of my mail that Accusatory Woman might have, so that I could contact any businesses I did business with, etc.  She asked after Ptery, asked after Jesse, told me what a pleasant polite young man he’d always been — it was a nice conversation, really.  She sounded good.

And then I watched the rest of Lost Season 2.  And the first ep of Lost Season 3.  I quite like it, but not at the same fanatical level as, say, Battlestar Galactica (the reimagined version, of course).

Then today, after Side Street writing, I stopped by GCI and checked into whether my cell phone bills were really getting sent to my old address.  See, it used to be that our GCI cable service was under my name & phone/internet was under Rozz’s (before Rozz became Ptery).  Or vice versa, I can never remember.  (This got changed a couple weeks ago when Ptery was still here: now everything’s under my name.)  Anyway, when we moved here, the billing address for our cable service changed — of course it did, because it’s also the service address.  I just assumed that the phone billing address moved over too, & the reason I didn’t get the bills in the mail was because I had asked them to only send my bills via email.

I guess I was wrong.  And so Accusatory Woman, and whoever lived at that address between us moving out and her moving in (which I know at one point was  my landlady, because I talked with her when I passed by there one day a year or so ago), was in fact getting some of my mail.  Well, I get other prior tenant’s mail at my current address sometimes too, & it is kind of an annoyance.  So much of an annoyance to Accusatory Woman, apparently, that she called to rant not only at me, but Ptery as well.  (For some reason Jesse was spared.)  I suppose — as I told my prior landlady when I called to tell her I’d fixed things with GCI — that Accusatory Woman had a particularly bad day yesterday, & when she got the mail it was the last straw & she popped her cork.  But what came out was not champagne.

My prior landlady will still try to get any mail of ours that Accusatory Woman may have so I can deal with it, and I will go to the post office and do a change of address.  I don’t know what to say about the alleged baby magazine.  Probably junk mail, about which I can do little.  She’ll also let Accusatory Woman know that I really did used to live there, and also that I don’t bear any grudge & don’t plan to file charges against her for her violation of federal law in opening my mail.  It was all just simple misunderstanding, really.  Nothing to go postal over. Heh.

Meantime, I’ve got the problem partly fixed.  I’m less of a lowlife today than I was last night.

But I’m still a lowlife.  Dammit.  I need some beer.

Yes, sloth seems a suitable way to begin the holiday season (030/365)

P.S. By the way: I do too pay my cell phone bills.  Sometimes I’m just a little late with them, is all.

P.P.S. It must be at least six months since I’ve watched an ep of Battlestar Galactica. I must do something about that.

P.P.P.S. It doesn’t seem entirely fair that Jesse was spared a rant call from Accusatory Woman.  After all, he’s the one who racked up the most over-our-plan’s-”anytime-minutes”-limit of cell phone charges since April when he met his girlfriend. If she’d inspected our illegally opened phone bill more carefully, she’d see that.

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Re-wilding, in the middle of…

Ptery in muskeg

One day during Ptery's visit we went walking in the Ft. Rich woods in East Anchorage near where we used to live back in the late '90s.

Note from Mel: This is Ptery’s first post here. He blogs also at Biscuit Root about rewilding and his associated work with biscuit root, a plant that he eats and replants a lot of on his travels. I welcome him to Henkimaa, where his spirit joins the cool breeze running through my soul.  He knows what I mean. He refers to me here as his “best friend ex” but that’s for lack of words that either of us that can explain what we have been & continue to be to each other.

He asked me what to call this post, & I said, how about In media res, because it starts in the midst of things rather than at the beginning (wherever that might be) — & hence the title he chose. The photo I chose, from a walk we took during his visit here.

I’ve been in the city, and dang it’s hard to do biscuit work in the city; the climate just ain’t right. I spent 5 months in Seattle getting my IDs replaced, found a girlfriend that has been satisfying as well as distracting, took a 5-week trip to Anchorage, AK, where my nephew and best friend ex live and then came back here to Seattle.

I need to be in wild places already to follow the principle of strengthening what remains of native habitat, which in the biscuitroot’s case is the Great Basin and the Eastern side of the Sierras, etc. It is from a place that is whole that I can begin to remember what wholeness may be and feel the strain of being far from my own ancestor’s homeland that my bones call for… and make peace with that somehow. This is one place where the Hoop is still intact, though patchy. Finisia says the Buffalo hoop has been decimated, I hope that she is wrong, but here it is still strong and needs our help in restoring.

The hoop again, is the migratory route and also the way of life that the Shoshone, Paiute, and Wasco people’s traveled and lived in a interdependent relationship before much of Empire came and broke much of what Native people had. The People are still strong underneath all their invisibility and they still gather their roots, and tell their stories. Efforts abound at restoring more common usage of their languages. I personally can’t speak to what all of what being indigenous in place entails, but I do know that much of the world’s people have been migratory throughout the year in order to live lightly on the land. Settling down has its downsides in that our knowledge of the world gets secondhand, myopism and it is harder on the Mother. I am just putting myself out there to move myself to thinking more like my ancestors did.

Seems I have come up against the challenge of being in civilization in that it requires some kind of exchange for goods — in my case, food, since I don’t have gun or license to support part of my diet. I also need to travel the whole of the hoop. I’ve covered a great deal of it, but missed Pinon camp and most of Winter camp. A truck would be mighty dandy, though in truth I could hitchhike my way as I’ve got the practice down pretty well.

As far as I know Finisia and Mikhailia are still at Badger’s where I last saw them during a spring sweat. They looked good and two wolf puppies had joined their camp, giving a certain joy to the camp. My opinion of course.

I am now at Tent City 4 in Seattle, a tent city organized by Share/Wheel and of course self run by the camp itself as everyone provides security and one community contribution a week, as an auction item once a month to raise money. They have weekly meetings as well to elect service reps. I have yet to figure out how I of no income will find something worth 25$ for the auction. I’m thinking of doing a work trade with Soul Food Books, a really cool cafe in the heart of Redmond that has been a spiritual haven for me in the Kingdom realm of Microsoft. I feel quite safe there and so does my girlfriend.

Just last week I attended the Free Activist Witch Camp at Wolf Creek and on my way down spent one night at Dignity Village in Portland. Ten years ago they were founded and these little bitty houses were built to house folks who have been living there and finding their way back to real homes and jobs and normal lives.

I was welcomed by one of the residents who fed me hot spicy hot dogs and grilled potatoes. They were a riot, he and his friend. A few of the people there participated in the thrift store and/or the locally grown plant sale. They were also having their tenth anniversary

While I was in Portland I read an article in the city paper that talked about how Whites needed to examine race a bit deeper. I was astounded that a local author was able to get it published. Portland is a leader in being ecological and now has race on the public table as well. If I’m back there soon enough, I want to write a letter to the editor in support of such writings. Already they devote a whole section of their paper to sustainability.

City Repair, I think, has done a great deal to bring all this forward, but also the city officials have allowed the conversation to exist by listening and responding. This is hopeful to me. It may be that Seattle is beginning to have this effect with the new mayor. I sure hope so.

Meantime, I want to finish my book review of Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. The most exciting book I have read in a long time. I have been having a short attention span when it comes to books, but I’ve been hanging in there. He writes clearly and spot-on about psychiatry’s use of drugs and how they are worsening our mental health in the modern world. He has made a call to the community to rise up and take our mental health back!! He is not against the drugs, he just documents the trends for most people, which is not good. He knows that it helps some people and they are lifesavers for some. I hope you will all check it out.

You may wonder what this has to do with re-wilding — well, it mostly has to do with how I got here. Psychiatry didn’t help me. In fact, I see psychiatry as interrupting the process of becoming wild, which includes accessing our deep feelings and awareness es and looking at uncomfortable perspectives. Dealing with pain the best way we can is the process and I for one vote for collective sharing, something that our system thinks is best shared alone with a therapist. Well, that’s not how the feminist movement was born, nor the beginnings of really good social movements. People began with opening up with what was choking them into silence and bringing voice to it.

The more we are caught up in self doubt, insecurity, shame, well the more a system that is destroying the earth continues to thrive. This system is set up to keep us all in paralyzing apathy.

One of the important movements I want to see is one that the present day folk deal with what has happened in this country, to confront the history of genocide, slavery, internment of the Japanese, civil war. All these things are in our collective American psyches, sitting there festering as folks continue to be ground up in the Empire’s machinery that live organic humans need to come forth to take it apart, or at least get out of the way while it falls over. (Hopefully soon). An important part of this healing is the reconnecting with the Earth as part of us, and we part of Her. That’s it, really. In this process we would have to listen to each other, and to Nature around us, take local responsibility in giving back what was stolen from Native People still in place. Each of us alone, must deal with who we are and who our individual ancestors are and what they have done or not done and decide what we must do and we need to start it yesterday.

Therapists, well, those are individual problems being dealt with and what we have before us are collective problems. Everyone has it in there body, whether they are conscious or not, the awareness of what the whole of the life web is up to. From where I’m at its frightening, and am glad to have many people to share my feelings with on Facebook. I vastly prefer face to face in real time. More is possible this way. So, here I am in Tent City 4, talking to people as I can, people who have time on their hands. I share my perspective and offer support, or I listen in to understand where they are coming from. The self rule aspect is what I most like participating in and miss it from my Rainbow Grocery days, where the collective ran and still runs in an intelligently fashioned manner not available to hierarchical jobs.

I’m looking for partners now, and a truck, a gun and gas money to take us on the replanting and rewilding venture to transform us as we go. I am starting out by moving to Portland so I can be closer to the opportunity, and as well as have meaningful conversations with people in power. It may be possible there to plant some wild native plants in the city, under the direction of local Native elders who know what they are doing and open the possibility of moving a piece of America back to Gaia’s realm.

I gladly take prayers and sweet spells to help me move safely in the world and to tilt me ever more closer to being my feral self.

Aho, All my Relations.

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