Yep dammit, I’ve been quiet for a couple of weeks since the actual WAR vote, even as a lot of stuff has been happening. The biggest reason is that I was out of state for a week & a half, went down to Spokane to visit my dad who was diagnosed last December with terminal lymphoma (i.e., cancer), & does not have much longer to live. I had use of my sister’s computer while I was down there, but other than the occasional tweet, Facebook update, or email — family was the thing down there. I went down on the same flights as my brother Mark, who also lives in Anchorage, & my other brother Dave drove in from Montana, & my dad lives with my sister, so all of us kids were there for a couple of those days. And as well Ptery, formerly known as my partner Rozz, had hitched up from Nevada.
I got back to Anchorage last Wednesday (Apr. 29), have been wrapping my mind & energies around the “what next” stuff without quite getting around to talking about it.
One of my chiefest problems always with the whole blogging enterprise is having so much on my mind that I don’t quite know where to begin. So begin here: with a few brief notes about what’s on my mind, & what I want to write about over the next few days.
My dad. Not only the wonderfulness of my dad, but these deepmost feelings that arise as I face the loss of the second of the two people who brought me into this world. (My mom died in November 2005.)
Recombobulation. This is my made-up word for the opposite process of becoming discombobulated. This is the dominant theme of my life right now. Endings: my second parent dying; my relationship of 16 years turning into something quite different from “partnership” as Rozz a woman becomes Ptery a man who may or may not turn up in Alaska again; the boy we raised from age 9 now a young man at age 21 & venturing more & more into his own world (just left for a 5-month job in Denali Natl. Park); amongst other evidences of loss & change. This is the stuff that had me in the cave all those months. But lose some things, gain others — plenty of life left in store for me. I’ve just got to organize it differently.
Follow-ups. Some weeks later, I’m still not satisfied with Amazon’s explanations & response to amazonfail — & even if their “glitch” explanation is honest, the event brings a bunch of other questions up that concern me as both a reader & writer. Some weeks later, I also have more thoughts about the death of Nicholas Hughes, & even more about the experience of depression & despair, which have been pretty constant companions in my own life. I might also want to add a word or two about the post-WAR era in Alaska politics. Or at least about Alaska politics, which continues to be as screwy & scary as ever. (For example, it’s quite possible that tomorrow Anchorage voters might vote into office as mayor a candidate who enabled one of his bar employees to drive home drunk.)
Writing. Of course. Because I’m a writer. I did do one cool thing over the weekend about that, BTW, which was to set up a meetup for LGBT writers next Saturday at my favorite writing venue, Side Street Espresso.
And other stuff. The above is just most what’s on my mind at the moment.
I’ll also be getting back to getting this website & blog’s design shaped into something I’m happy with.
Update: Turns out that other intelligent people have independently invented words about recombobulation. See, for example, the Urban Dictionary definitions for recombobulate, which do well to capture the meaning I have for it. Ah, the genius of the English language!