“Inlaws & Outlaws”: Love is neither straight or gay — it’s human
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by Mel Green
There was a lot of laughter in Room 101 of UAA’s Rasmuson Hall on March 18. It was the laughter of recognition as we shared in the joy of people whose stories of love we heard — if also, at times, also sharing in the tears of their sorrows.
That’s how love is, whatever your sexual orientation. And that’s the biggest lesson to be had from the film we watched that evening — “Inlaws & Outlaws.”
We announced “Inlaws & Outlaws” on Bent Alaska two days before, borrowing some copy from the film’s website to explain what it was about:
At the top of the film, you meet real people one on one. You don’t know who’s gay or straight or who’s with whom. As their stories unfold and stereotypes fall by the wayside, you won’t care because you’ll be rooting for everybody. With candor, good humor, great music and real heart, “Inlaws & Outlaws” gets past all the rhetoric to embrace what we have in common: We love.
How successful is the film was at meeting its intent? Here’s a review posted by one user at IMDb, the Internet Movie Database):
I’m a married guy with a wife of 22 years. She dragged me to what I thought would be a “chick flick,” as part of the Palm Springs Festival. I don’t mean anything disparaging by that term, but I was expecting a movie that was all about hearts and flowers and happily ever after and that it would would be either sappy or preachy or both.
Far from it! In-laws/Outlaws was fresh, funny, moving and I found it engrossing. This flick is about love and, to a lesser degree, about marriage. But it just rings so TRUE. When’s the last time you went to the movies and saw an HONEST portrayal of what it takes to find true love? Not Hollywood love. The real deal.
These are just stories of ordinary people, and though I’m not myself gay, I found myself nodding a lot with some of the experiences, missteps and lessons learned from what some of the gays in relationships had gone through. I saw Brokeback Mountain and “got it”, I guess but it left me feeling just sad for gay people. This movie made me forget who was gay and made me feel pretty darn good to be alive.
In fact, In-laws/Outlaws was a movie that made me fall in love with my wife all over again. And it was funny, very surprisingly funny, and gripping and very satisfying. I can’t remember going to a film and coming out so high and inspired. I just wanted to go out and hug the world and tell them everything’s going to be okay.
It’s difficult to review any film without risking at least some spoilers — but let me say that I bought the DVD and watched it again with a friend on Monday night, and found myself completely unspoiled by my first viewing: I enjoyed it every bit as much, even knowing all that would happen. In any case, I’ve got to briefly mention at least two of the stories that especially stood out for me.
One was that of a gay man whose shared 50 years of life with his partner before his partner died. They’d lived their entire lives together closeted, and with no close friends, this man had no community whatsoever with whom to deal with his grief — until, when he was literally driving himself to a place where he planned to commit suicide, he chanced upon an LGBT-welcoming church who saw that he was troubled, and welcomed him in. “That’s when I began to heal,” he said — in no small part because here finally were people of his faith with whom to share not only the enormity of his grief, but also the joy of his memories of a life spent with the man he loved.
The second was the story of two women who grew up in conservative Mormon families, who met, fell in love, and became intimately (including physically) involved when one was 19 and the other 20. But religious belief and family expectations led the older of the two to feel compelled to marry a man, which she did, while her real love felt no choice but to support her in her decision and love her as a friend. It wasn’t a happy marriage, though — marriages founded on a lie seldom are — and eventually the strain of living a lie led to divorce, a renewal of relationship between the two women, and the eventual acceptance by their families. As the older woman’s youngest sister told her, “My religion is important to me, but you’re even more important.”
I suppose these two stories stand out particularly for me because I’ve got a special in interest in how religious belief systems so often lead to isolation and self-hatred for LGBT people; and how we wind our way nevertheless to love, both of ourselves and one another. In any case, regardless of civil law or religious belief, most of the people in this this movie, straight or gay, found their way to love, whether as “in laws” or “outlaws” — though we heard from singles and divorced people as well.
And enjoyed every moment — an enjoyment made even greater by the musical commentary provided throughout by Seattle-area soul singer Felicia Loud. Good stuff.
Following the movie filmaker Drew Emery took stage for an equally enjoyable discussion and Q&A. Three years have passed since the film was made in 2007, so he updated us on the lives of some of the remarkable people we met through the course of the film.
He also told us about the campaign of which this film is part: the Hearts + Minds Campaign, which bases itself on the conviction that (as its website says),
by sharing our true stories, we believe we can bring people together to recognize a beautiful thing: love is neither gay nor straight – it’s human.
The focus on presenting the true stories of LGBT people places “Inlaws & Outlaws” & the Hearts + Minds Campaign as part of the broader effort by LGBT people to become familiar and known as human, countering and contradicting the demonizing stereotypes (and often outright lies) promulgated by the religious right and other opponents of equality. National Coming Out Day, I’m From Driftwood, the It Gets Better Project — those are just three other such projects off the top of my head — and as Drew discussed, their impact may be even more important than lawsuits or legislative action in steering us toward a society of equality, because they change people’s minds and hearts from the inside. Encounters with the true stories of our lives even turns people who formerly judged and opposed us into friends and allies (see our earlier post today, in which a Presyberian pastor who long preached against acceptance of homosexuality changed his mind as a result of knowing three gay men). And, as Drew pointed out, we also give LGBT youth access to people they otherwise might never meet: LGBT elders, who, in the case of “Inlaws & Outlaws,” present us with role models of loving and committed same-sex relationships, held to in spite of often tremendous obstacles.
[caption id="attachment_2003" align="alignright" width="212" caption="Inlaws & Outlaws. Click through to purchase the video or to learn about how to arrange for a community screening."]
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The specific purpose of the Hearts + Minds Campaign is to make it easier to share “Inlaws & Outlaws” with congregations, schools, and communities by hosting screenings of the film — which can also be used as fundraisers through the sale of DVDs of the film. (You can also buy a DVD at the film’s website.)
Does “Inlaws & Outlaws” change people’s minds about same-sex marriage? After I watched it a second time, I found myself asking a question I wish I had thought to ask Drew when he was here. There were several people near the end of the movie who gave their opinions about marriage equality, including a few heterosexuals who were against it. I want to ask now: Did any of them see the film when it was completed? If so, did any of them change their minds? Did any audience members at the 436 screenings of “Inlaws & Outlaws” that preceded the UAA screening tell him they’d changed their minds after seeing the film?
I’ll bet that some did.
And even if we have no stats on that, I can only say I’m so glad I went to see it, and that I can see it again anytime I want to.
But I think we’d be well advised to help more Alaskans see this great movie.
Sponsors of the UAA screening
I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the sponsors who brought “Inlaws & Outlaws” to Anchorage.
[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Dan Nye, senior attorney at Alaska Airlines"]
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The event was co-presented by Alaska Airlines through its Office of Diversity & Inclusion. which also sponsored filmmaker Drew Emery’s visit to campus. And in fact, as we learned from Drew himself, it turns out that it was Alaska Airlines senior attorney Dan Nye who first had the idea of bringing the film to Anchorage. He also came for the screening, introduced Drew to us before the film began, and afterwards told us a little about the career opportunities as Alaska Airlines starts to hire again. LGBT jobhunters, take note!
[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="Marva Watson, Director of the UAA Office of Campus Diversity and Compliance"]
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Marva Watson, Director of the UAA Office of Campus Diversity and Compliance, represented the University of Alaska Anchorage at the screening and introduced us to the evening’s festivities. Here’s UAA’s diversity statement, which was in place for even before the University of Alaska Board of Regents added sexual orientation to UA’s nondiscrimination policies in February: With freedom of speech being at our core, UAA strives to create an inclusive, respectful campus community that promotes and embraces our individual differences. We unite in our belief that diversity includes understanding and respecting differences in ideas, religion, gender, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, disability, age, and socioeconomic status. We celebrate diversity in all of our educational and employment endeavors.
Thank you, UAA, and thank you, Alaska Airlines, for bringing “Inlaws & Outlaws” to Anchorage.
Tags: Alaska Airlines, Drew Emery, film, marriage equality, University of Alaska Anchorage (UAA)
