Category Archives: Depression

Alaska Love Poem

In 1984, during my troubled early twenties, I fell in love with a friend of mine. This poem was written to her. But it's especially a poem about how I came to love myself, & to give up my former self-hatred.
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Actually, I kinda like clouds…

Clouds are actually really beautiful, when I'm not feeling grey. A little about the aha! experience of 1984, when I permanently came out of my former self-hatred.
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Pausing under the clouds: A how-to guide for getting out of the grey

Hungry, angry, lonely, tired: some of the things to be mindful about when life starts looking like shit. Again.
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My story of 2009

Not quite ALL about my 2009, because that would take a year to write. This only took several hours.
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It’s all just an act… or maybe not

My last trip into the pit — my name for the worst form of depression/despair I sometimes go into — was in November & December 2007. Want to know what it feels like? I'll try to explain. And also how I get out of it.
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Saturn is Heavier in My Dreams

Saturn is Heavier in My Dreams My head’s getting squashed again, all low and squat like I lived on Saturn or someplace like that, where the planet is heavy, and a woman from Earth can’t lift her head. My feet drag like they do in my dreams sometimes, and I don’t know why . . . like there’s a path I’m trying [...]
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The Daily Tweets, 2009-09-09: Partly cloudy

Coming out of the grey. # Well, I _thought_ I was coming out of the grey. Maybe not. # Yet another example of GOP family values hypocrisy. CA lawmaker open-mic’d his affairs w/ lobbyists. http://tinyurl.com/lumho5 # Twitter app on Facebook finally updating FB status about 3 hours behind the times. # How much data cited re: homeless in Anchorage [...]
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The colorlessness is temporary

In one part it’s my own grey, in the other it’s that I’m redesigning my blog based on a different WordPress theme, since I was never quite happy with the previous one. I’m now using a theme called Thematic, which is supposed to be superduperistically customizable, but for starters it’s just like how movies & [...]
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Night of the butcher knife

An excerpt from "Dream," the fifth chapter of Mistress of Woodland, based on two actual experiences — including a depiction of that state of depression I call the pit.
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Waking from the grey

The grey is a term I have for one of my modes of experiencing depression.  I wrote about it three years ago: The grey is like a great grey landscape of bleakness, just dust & stones. Emotionally dead: I can’t rouse me, nor can anyone else, to laughter or fun, certainly not joy; but nor can [...]
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